After the initial shock, no matter how powerful it is, there comes a point where you have to make a decision – we stay together or separate. There are quite a few people who could move on and try to solve their problems after an affair because they still believe that surviving an affair can be done. Most do not take into account the option of remaining together.
But if we think about it, the choice to give the relationship one more chance takes a lot of courage and some remaining trust. It is important that we focus our attention on how regain the trust and how to survive the affair and improving the relation between partners.
When we feel that our trust has been betrayed and still take the decision of giving a second chance to the relationship, specially when children are involved than real help is needed if you want that the effort of surviving an affair will have the right results.
Before making a decision, it is necessary to answer some questions honestly:
– This relationship has a future?
– Actually, can I have a future with someone who cheated on me?
– Can I ever trust him/her?
– Is this the right decision for me?
If we decided that we have enough reasons to stay together, if we believe that it is possible to regain trust and love again, then it is best to start working on rebuilding the relationship. It is important at this stage!
If we choose to forget everything and try together to survive the affair, this may seem an easy solution for this problem for the moment, but with big chances of failure in the long-term.
Reconstruction phases of the relationship:
We have to go through four stages, as psychologists have determined: first, to understand why we were deceived, to make some changes in our relationship (renegotiation of the relationship), to learn to truly forgive and finally, we regain trust in each other. The last two steps may prove to be some difficult for many of us because surviving an affair is not something that anyone can to it.
If we try to find out what were the reasons for having an affair, we will sabotage our long-term trust and often don’t have any chance to rebuild our relationship. For example, some married men are cheating on their wives because their wives don’t have time for them anymore and then the man feels alone and abandoned and seek solace in another place.
I know, it sounds like a cheap excuse, but can be a starting point to find some satisfactory answers to the excruciating question: WHY? Once you have the answer to this question, it is time for a change. What brought you to the point of separation, you can still bring in the same point somewhere someday so you must be careful in your effort of surviving an affair.
Of course, serious changes in a relationship can not be done overnight, but if we understand what was wrong, we will be able to make some changes. If the affair happened because of external pressures such as lack of money, fatigue and stress, lifestyle changes are very useful. If it happened because you two do not spend too much quality time together, like doing activities that involve both of you.
Reconstruction and regaining trust in the relationships can prove to be a difficult road, and painful journey that if we choose to start is good to have a lot of patience, wisdom and honesty.